I remember contemplating sobriety and thinking how fucking boring it must be. I was sure I would just shrivel up and die with a tepid glass of fizzy water in my hand. Oh how naive I was!
I’ve got so much excitement and energy for life now. I paint, I write, I do yoga, I hike, I meditate, I go on retreats, I read, I take workshops, I go to kirtans. And I do it with zest and zeal.
I go to a Buddhist Recovery meeting. We meditate together and then I hear from all of these young wise recovering souls that have found a new way of life at such an early stage. I am happy for them. There’s not a lot I feel led to say in these groups so I focus on allowing all of this heart energy, love and light that continues to build in me, radiate out. I can bring this to any setting now.
It’s my new way of numbing out. When things turn to a point of discomfort I allow the love and light to build and send it to the situation or the person. It works like a charm. Perhaps it’s avoidance, but I believe what I’m actually avoiding is getting caught up in ego, fight or flight or any of those old patterns that I’ve been so used to.