I had my first art show. I used to paint with an addition of chardonnay to loosen up the old creativity. Now I paint stone sober and the creativity is far more juicy.
Ihad created over 40 paintings they were on display. Hundreds of people had been invited. I had an entire team of friends helping me pull it off. There was food, music, oh yeah and wine…lots of wine. It hit me about 10 minutes before show time that the old me would have lubricated my personality before the doors opened to ensure that I was calm, personable, chatty, even delightful.
Well guess what, I did it sober and I engaged with people non stop for 3 hours in the most authentic, wide awake manner possible. No I wasn’t totally calm. It felt overwhelming.
And quite honestly, it surprised me that a little inkling to have just one glass of wine to settle the nerves did arise. I’m rarely tempted anymore. So this little temptation, the awareness, and then the ability to allow myself to feel the nervousness was another miracle. I had a little talk with myself. “Of course your nervous! This is a big deal. “ The old rationale of “therefore you deserve a glass of wine” does not hold weight anymore. Instead, it was “you deserve to do this sober and to be honest with people. It’s ok to say your nervous. Feel your nervousness. Breathe deep. “ And so that’s what I did. I kept coming back to my breath. Coming back to gratitude. At the end of the night I remembered every single conversation, I had no regrets of what I may have said or how I acted. And I woke up clear and filled with gratitude for such a successful night. (oh and I sold 15 paintings!)
High Bottom 